I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize