So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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