Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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