This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
