You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
