WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
