I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize