I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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