I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
