i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
