i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
