Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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