OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
