After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
