So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
