I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
