I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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