Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
