Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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