Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize