Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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