i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
