If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
