How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
