I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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