He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
