I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
