My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
