we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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