My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
