is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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