YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
