he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
