I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
