five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize