the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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