never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize