if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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