Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I understand Curling. That high.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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