My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
