okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
