Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
