Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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