He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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