i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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