I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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