And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
