im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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