I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
