So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
