I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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