grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
