Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk

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(212): View more from New York

You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.

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(315): View more from New York

in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."

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(248): View more from Michigan

It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"

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(303): View more from Colorado

This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.

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(404): View more from Georgia

haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me

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(706): View more from Georgia

We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.

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(206): View more from Washington

I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.

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