Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
