Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize