I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize