I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
