Where did you get a picture of my penis
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
