If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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