You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
