I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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