Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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