I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
