You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
