If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and she was petting her beer can
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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