It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
