There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
