just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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