so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need a beard to bite.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
