does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
