How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
