its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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